I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
