used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
