We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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