Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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