I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
