I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
