not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
