So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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