I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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