After last night, I could never be a politician.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
