remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
