i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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