Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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