first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
