We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
