Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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