I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
