please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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