Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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