just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
