Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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