we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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