We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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