dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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