I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
