Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
