My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize