Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
