yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
try to milk me bitch
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