the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
