if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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