My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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