who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
