Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His nipple licking is glorious
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