She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
