I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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