it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
