shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This house was built for laser tag.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
