Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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