I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope mine doesn't look like that
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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