party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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