just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
