She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
