4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
