Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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