In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
