Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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