Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
