Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
