I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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