At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy sore nipples Batman
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
