you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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