he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
