How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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