Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
