So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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