38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
