Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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