my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
