I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
