look no pants
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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