If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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