You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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