I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sext me about skeletons
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
