he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
