I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
