It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My penis needs a shock collar
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
