how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
