the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
