So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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