Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
