I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
