I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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