Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
