when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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