He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
