I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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