She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
