you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
